Taking A Vacation

For website building purposes we need to shut the blog down for the next two days to construct http://www.talkofthetown.me come back Friday as we continue to bring you news and hopefully some laughs…

Quote Of The Day

“I have a fiance, but it’s not that serious”-Atlantic City woman

Overuse Of The Word “Asshole”

Post by Quite Frankly:

This article will really show the simple mindedness and lack of independent thought of the female sex.  Sorry, but its kind of true. Girls use the word “asshole” way to frequently and us guys have become kind of numb to it.  If a guy cheats on you, he’s an “asshole”.  If a guy doesn’t want to go to a place because he can’t stand your cousin and her boyfriend, he’s an “asshole”.  Obviously, those are two pretty different things and one is a lot worse than the other.  So why use it for both instances?  If we are assholes for every thing we do than eventually we just say, yeah whatever.  If the word is used less frequently and only in the worst situations than we might take a step back and realize what we did was wrong. And let’s face it, “asshole” is the worst word you have for us.  Guys have the luxury of some pretty damn good words to describe girls.

Guys have a hierarchy of words we use when women piss us off.  If a girl doesn’t want to talk to us or something, she is a “bitch”.  If a girl blows your best friend in the bathroom of some bar, she is not only a slut but will referred to in the future as that “C” word that rhymes with “punt” (See I do have a soul, I didn’t say the word cunt).  We have other words that fill in the in between areas.  Those words are, “pig”, “disgrace”, “joke”, in no particular order.  Other words do exist, but I am not going to expose all the inside secrets here.

If you continue to call us “assholes” for everything than we have no idea what context you are using it in. If you set up a nice little hierarchy of terms like us guys did (guys brains work much more fact based and logical than females, that’s science)  then you might be happier and it might be a little easier.  Here is a mere suggestion. If a guy makes plans and forgets prior plans that he made with you, he is an “idiot”. If a guy cheats on you, he is an “asshole”.  You can fill in the rest.  

Asshole Of The Day Award

I love stupid people…

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/brooklyn/funny_stuff_by_cop_plate_thief_3UM77ir2sT3qHCRMt56r8L

What are you doing lady? Stealing a license plate off a cop car and shoving it down your pants is no way to go through life miss. I’m just curious as to what use you would have for a police license plate? Like you’re 53 years old, don’t you think it’s time to stop having scavenger hunts with your friends and grow up? Do I actually know if this woman was on a scavenger hunt? No, but that is the only reasoning I could possibly see for stealing a license plate. Oh, and to tell a cop that you were holding it for the cop who’s car it was might be the worst response I have ever heard. This shirt was made for you, enjoy!

Bristol Palin Has A Book?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/20/bristol-palin-lost-virginity-levi-book_n_880242.html

Bristol, I’m not mad, I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed in the fact that you lost your virginity while being black out drunk off of wine coolers. I know you’re a girl, but come on now, they’re fucking wine coolers, my eleven year old cousin couldn’t get drunk off those. And you blacked out and don’t remember? Once again, you drank wine coolers; those things are blackout proof, meaning that it’s impossible for you to blackout by only drinking them. I think it’s a complete cover up to try and save face because you told your parents that you would wait until marriage. Who waits until marriage anymore anyway? This is the shit you’re writing about in your book to make you look like less of a slut. Listen, people would respect you if you just said, “Look, I had sex with my boyfriend and it was a total accident.” No one’s buying this wine cooler blackout nonsense; mainly because, it’s total bullshit. Next time try something believable, because you’re apparently the first person in the history of the world to blackout off of fucking wine coolers. The end.

Sidenote: I would totally kick it to Sarah Palin any day of the week, get rid of all your political views for a second and just look at her, she is a hot piece of ass.

How Much Alcohol Would It Take Tuesday’s

Here we go ladies and gentlemen, she’s not 300 pounds, but she is not good looking either…

Well South Park had it right when they said that this broad looks like a moose. Sarah Jessica Parker is just not a good looking female. So she was the star of like the biggest hit female show ever, but can you at least buy a good looking face with all that money maybe? I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. Anyway, how much alcohol would it take for me to slay this broad. I’ll go with a keg of the Incredible Hulk, which is Hypnotic and Hennesy. Followed by a pint of Cuervo on the rocks. This should make me think she’s a ten, when really she’s not even a three. But hey, it’s all about the story, right?

I’m A Little Late, But This Is A Great Picture

http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/local/proud-us-open-champion-rory-mcilroy-drinks-from-trophy-as-he-parties-into-the-night-ncxdc-062011

US Open Champ Rory McIlroy is seen chugging from his US Open trophy right here. This is the shit that I’m talking about baby! When did Tiger ever do shit like this? I mean I know Tiger slayed so much box it was unreal, but he still kept away from the media as much as he possibly could. There’s a new sheriff in town baby. Rory fucking McIlroy is here to stay. And he’s going to party like a rock star after every win. Guaranteed Rory is laying the wood to bitches everywhere after his performance this past weekend. Forget Tiger, this kid might be the one that gets people interested in golf again.

I’m Not Impressed…

So this three year old little shit can play Kinect Dance Central on hard. Big fucking deal. What exactly did he do? He moved his arms a couple of times and his feet stayed pretty much in the same spot. I can train a fucking chimpanzee to do this shit in two days. This ain’t Dance Dance Revolution bro, I ain’t fucking impressed. You want to impress everyone, do some DDR on the highest level, then I’ll give you some props. Until then, you’re a fraud little guy, just a full out fraud.

The Confusion Of The Phrase “I Like You”

If you’re a guy then you know exactly what I’m talking about right now. If you’re a girl, chances are that you have no idea what I’m talking about right now. Hey, it’s not your fault; this is why I’m here to enlighten you. I am going to enlighten you on the phrase “I like you” and explain what it really means when it is said in certain situations.

To begin, this has nothing to do with when a guy and a girl have been talking and hanging out for a while. That is what we would call the standard “I like you”. Guy likes girl, girl likes guy, and everything is all peachy until you really get to know each other. But too bad that is not what I am referring to.

What I’m really talking about are those “relationships” that you have with a member of the opposite sex that is nothing more than physical, yet the girl thinks that it’s a lot more. These aren’t booty calls or friends with benefits, these are people who talk all the time, but all they do is have sex. They don’t go on dates; they don’t really do much of anything besides have sex.

See the problem with this is that most of the time the girl thinks that there is way more going on than just strictly fucking. However, this is not the case. The girl probably likes the guy, but the guy only likes to have sex with you. Therefore ladies, when you ask the guy how he feels about you, and he responds with, “I like you,” he is really saying, “I just like to fuck you.” Obviously, he leaves out the three other key words in that phrase, just so you keep giving up the milk without him having to buy the cow.

Long story short, if you are in this situation, your guy just likes to fuck you. There’s nothing wrong with that because that probably means that you’re good in bed. But if you’re looking for the typical relationship, you are clearly not in the right situation. If you’re taking this personally, then you are probably in this situation. For the guy, this is what we call the “Perfect Situation”. God bless all those who are in it.

Asshole Of The Day Award

Spoiler Alert: He didn’t make it…Yeah I already know, I’m fucked up for writing this.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/28290496/detail.html

When Bachelor Parties Go Bad: The Asshole Of The Day Story. That would make a great TV show headline for this fucking group of morons. While having a blast on a party bus during your buddies bachelor party why would you decide to open the emergency hatch at the top of the bus to stick your head out? This isn’t a limo, it takes way too much effort to climb to the top of the bus and when you’re on the highway you have to keep your eyes open for the…wait for it…wait for it…….. OVERPASS! This guy got rocked by the overpass, while being an asshole, and he is now dead. Was he a good kid, was he a bad kid, I have no idea. But regardless, this was a dumb fucking decision that didn’t turn out so well. It’s tough for me to talk shit about a dead guy but this might be one of  the dumbest things I’ve ever heard of. I would send you a shirt, but…Nevermind, it’s probably a little too soon for that one. Anyway, everyone learned a little lesson today.